so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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