Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
