I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
