dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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