Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
