I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
