I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.