I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
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