the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
