wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
