"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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