I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
