Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We don't watch enough power rangers
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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