my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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