Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
