True but thats because hes a fetus.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
