So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
