if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra