Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.