I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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