I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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