he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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