i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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