i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
FUCK WHALES
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
