sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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