Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
