I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
