i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
