youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Alive.
So much puke
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
