This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
