I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
