sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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