This is not my ceiling
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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