My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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