Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
