Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
