i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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