So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
