he thought i was a dude.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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