Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
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How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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