What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
