From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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