who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
