So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
