i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
