I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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