Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
