The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They took my balls.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
