I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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