well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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