I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
