She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
