Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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