I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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