oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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