I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
